I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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