Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
