I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize