Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
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If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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