Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
