Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
