we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
