I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
