I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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