i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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