When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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