do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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