Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
