Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
