She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
