So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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