the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
