This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize