cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
