You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.