I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.