I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
