90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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