my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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