Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
