If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
