he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
