shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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