I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
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By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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