when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Don't make out with my wife yet
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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