we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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