If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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