I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
