someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think my fart just growled at me.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
