I take back everything I said about communal showers
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
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There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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