I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
