oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
