I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize