dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
