when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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