Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
