my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
