his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
