My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
