Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
