I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
