I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize