can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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