It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
