She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
