Cold hands, warm shart.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
