if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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