Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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