We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
