Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
