I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
