just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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