after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
