I just threw up on my dentist
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
