people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
