okay pat passed out under dana's car
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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